Pleasure Yourself

Q: What comes in a shiny pink package, is nicknamed the "chocolate finger," and is marketed towards women with ads saying "Pleasure yourself" and "Naughty, but not that naughty"?



A: A candy bar, silly. What else did you expect?



According to NPR, your source for breaking news on sexually explicit candy bars:

The Snickers bar has a new sibling, and it's a girl.

She's sexual, uninhibited — and only 85 calories. The "Fling" is the first new chocolate bar Mars has introduced in more than 20 years.

Wrapped in a shiny pink and sliver package, this delicate "chocolate finger" is intended for women. The word "finger" is an industry term for a long, slim confection, Mars spokesman Ryan Bowling says, but with ads that invite you to "Pleasure yourself" in pink lettering, consumers might come to other conclusions.

I can only venture to guess that the Mars candy bar company has had record low sales to women, resulting in ridiculously desperate attempts to reach their target demographic. And rather than giving us a subtle reminder of how sensually delicious chocolate is, they've decided to shove it down our throats with a marketing campaign written by someone who has read one too many Danielle Steel novels. I'm surprised it doesn't vibrate.

Also, it has no nuts. What kind of a candy bar is that? I love me some chocolate, but gimme my snickers.

A-okay

You ever have those days where you learn potentially devastating news, have a mini heart attack, spill your coffee in a frantic fit of irrational behavior over this piece of news, and then later learn that everything is a-okay?

Well, this is the opposite of that:

(un)Breaking News - on Specter

Turns out that Sen. Specter got the message -- via Adam Green on OpenLeft.

Zombie pirates/Arlen Specter

People are inspired to write for different reasons.** Some by love. Some by loss. Or some, like me, by the repulsive tactics of politicians. Earlier today I learned that Sen. Arlen Specter, who recently volunteered himself for the Democratic Party, decided to sink to new lows of election campaigning.

Senator Specter launched a new website, called specterforthecure.com. Upon first glance, the site appears to be focused on raising money to fight cancer – not much of a surprise since he is a two time cancer survivor himself. Afterall: money = research = advances in curing cancer = good. According to the website:

Senator Specter has launched “Specter for the Cure”, a bold new initiative to reform our government’s medical research efforts, cut red tape and unstrangle the hope for accelerated cures.

The sufferers of cancer, autism, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, diabetes and too many other afflictions have waited long enough. It’s time we unleashed the cure.

But scroll farther down and you learn that any money collected from this excuse of a project goes not to cancer research, but to his own re-election campaign.

Become a member, today, of Specter for the Cure. Please contribute to Senator Specter’s re-election Committee – Citizens for Arlen Specter.

It’s one thing to use your personal experiences and triumphs over a horrible disease as evidence of perseverance and strong leadership. But it’s another thing to use your cancer survival and passion for finding a cure to get people to donate money to a completely different cause. Granted, if he wins, he might do a lot for the funding of cancer research. If not, the money just went out the window.

As a health reform advocate, I understand that Specter’s party switch could be a very good move for the passage of a bill. But that does not excuse his shameful tactics.

**Author's note: This blog has been in hibernation for well over four months. While I’d like to admit that I was captured by zombie pirates, I was warned that any disclosure of the truth would result in my recapture. In short: This blog is back from the dead.